Mistaken Identities
by Buffybot76
Summary: Mal and River have hooked up. Too bad no one told Nathan and Summer... This is TOTAL crack fic
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Mistaken Identities

**Author:** Rose and Erin

**Email: **and PG-13

**Pairing:** Mal/River, (hints of) Nathan/Summer

**Disclaimer:** Firefly, Serenity and everything related belong to Joss 'The Boss' Whedon, FOX grumble and Universal. Nathan Fillion and Summer Glau belong to themselves. We're just invading the playground for a little fun. Nothin' but love:-) Oh, and as Jayne says: "Ten percent of nothin' is... let me do the math here... nothin... into nothin'... carry the nothin'..." We've got nothin' You want 10?

**Distribution: **If you want to archive it somewhere, just tell us where it's going.

**Spoilers: **post-BDM, AU

**Summary: **Mal and River have hooked up. Too bad no one told Nathan and Summer...

_**Part 1**_

Malcolm Reynolds stood at the head of the table, where he normally sat during breakfast, lunch and dinner, and stared down every one of his crew, save for River, who was currently tucked neatly against his side with his arm wrapped possessively around her.

"Captain, you can't be serious!" This from Shepherd Book, whom Mal just_** knew **_would be giving him a lecture on the Special Hell he was surely bound for at the earliest convenience. However, Mal really didn't give a good gorram and he was prepared to tell the clergyman just that when the time came.

"Oh, Mal..." Inara's voice sounded all manner of disappointed, and, though Mal would admit that at one point in time, he would have felt bad about this, that time had since passed. Now he could safely say that whatever the Companion thought of him and his choices, it didn't affect him whatsoever.

"Feh, Captain's done gone feng le if you ask me. Think Crazy there's done gone and infected him," Jayne groused as he, being the only one still seated at the table after the captain and River had made their little announcement, took another bite of fried protein.

Mal glared at Jayne.

"Well," Wash interjected, attempting to lighten the mood. Unfortunately, his next words did the exact opposite. "I think congratulations are in order, wouldn't you say?"

Simon's face looked pained, but he remained silent as, beside him, Kaylee offered her sincere words of joy. "It's so shiny, Cap'n, you and River. You make such a cute couple!" The mechanic practically glowed with her exuberant happiness for her captain.

From within the circle of Mal's arms, River kept her eyes trained on her brother as he turned and left, without saying a word. Kaylee, noticing his departure, shot another smile in Mal and River's direction before excusing herself and following her lover from the room. One by one, they all filed out of the galley; Inara shooting daggers in Mal's direction, Shepherd Book's look of disapproval, Zoë stoically nodding to them before leaving, Wash following cheerfully on her heels. Jayne lingered the longest, as he took his time finishing his meal, before he shoved away from the table. The merc grinned cockily before giving a parting comment on his way to the door.

"Kinda shoots your whole 'No shipboard romance' rule all to hell, don't it."

Mal let out the gusting breath he'd been holding. "Well, that went well." His voice dripped sarcasm as he looked down at River, who pulled away slightly to look up at him.

"It's to be expected," she replied, "Don't worry, I'll talk to Simon. Besides, the day won't get interesting for another nine hours, twenty minutes and twenty-point-oh-two seconds..." River trailed off, adjusting her gaze to the ceiling. Mal followed her gaze for a moment, then shook his head.

"Gotta go downstairs, make sure everything's ready once we land," he said, nodding toward the exit.

A grin spread across his face and he leaned in for a kiss, which River met eagerly.

_**Meanwhile, back on Earth-That-Was, a bit more than 500 years ago...**_

Nathan Fillion and Summer Glau found themselves in the office of their former boss, Joss Whedon. The creator behind such cult television shows, such as i _Buffy the Vampire Slayer /i _and i _Firefly /i _- the show Nathan and Summer had both been stars of - had called each of them earlier in the week, asking if they could stop by. Both were surprised and happy to see each other. Apparently, Joss had started a new project, specifically with the two of them in mind. At the moment, however, Joss was not in his office. He'd stepped out for a moment, leaving the two alone. Nathan's calm lasted about two seconds, so he started looking at Joss' bookshelves. A moment later, Summer turned when Nathan spoke.

"Check it out!" he said.

She couldn't see what he was pointing at from her seat, so she rose and moved over to where he was standing. There, between two sets of books, was the infamous red button. Nathan looked like a five-year-old given free-range of a toy store.

"I'm gonna push it!"

"No." Summer pulled him back. "Grow up…"

"Hey!" He pointed to the button and put on his serious face. "This is programmed to bring everyone back." Summer rolled her eyes and shook her head. As she stepped away, Nathan grabbed her arm. "Just wait."

With that, Nathan gave the button a push, waited a moment, then looked around the room. He huffed, while Summer had a distinct River-like expression on her face. "Good thing Wash went with pilot. Electrician he ain't."

Summer gave him a 'that's horrible' look, but still laughed. They both stepped away from the bookshelf and heard a strange crackling sound. Slowly, almost comedically, the two turned to look at the button. There was a strange electrical current – like those hair-raisers at the planetarium – forming around the button.

Summer took hold of Nathan's arm and, as he leaned closer, her grip tightened. A split second later, Nathan's eyes widened and he turned to grab Summer in a bear hug as a bright white flash filled the room.

As his vision returned, Nathan found himself laid out, flat on his back, on a grated floor. Not wanting to get up too fast, he tried to roll to one side and plant a hand to push himself up, but the hard surface ground into his back painfully. He winced, releasing a low groan of pain as he tried to clear his head, which throbbed dully.

"Need some help, Sir?"

Nathan's eyes narrowed in confusion as he recognized the voice speaking to him. "Gina?" he asked, looking up and spying the familiar face, looking down at him with a very odd expression.

"You're not the Captain." Suddenly, Nathan found himself face to face with the muzzle of Zoe Washburne's shotgun.

Summer groaned as awareness slowly crept in and she felt how much her head throbbed. Raising her head carefully, the actress found herself lying face down on a small bed, in what appeared to be a small cabin of some sort. Holding her head tenderly, Summer climbed from the bed and got a bit unsteadily to her feet. Once she felt oriented enough, she once again took in her surroundings and blinked as the familiarity of the room began to sink in.

_'Is this some kind of joke?' _she thought, wondering how she'd gotten here and why and when the set had been rebuilt. _'Wait... where's Nathan?'_

Remembering she'd been with him before the flash, and realizing he was now not there with her, Summer began to grow more worried. Determined to find him, Summer stumbled across the room to the door as anxiety began to build within her chest. She quickly slid open the door and stepped out of the room, only to wind up barreling into someone who'd happened to be standing just outside. Strong arms came up to wrap around her and pull her close as the sound of Nathan's voice filled her ears.

"Whoa, there, bao bei. You okay?"

Summer felt relief sweep through her and instantly wrapped her arms around the man holding her, glad that she'd found him. She stiffened when she felt a pair of lips press themselves to the top of her head. "What are you doing, Nathan?" she asked, attempting to pull away and look into his face.

Mal was confounded as to why his lil' Albatross was calling him by another man's name, let alone just who exactly this Nathan person was. He allowed her to pull away from him and, for the first time, he noticed that she wasn't wearing the dress she'd been wearing when he'd last seen her a few minutes ago. Instead of the simple, floral-print dress, she wore a pair of form-fitting jeans, the likes of which he'd never seen, a dark green blouse that dipped daringly low in the front, giving him a mighty pleasing view of the cleavage he'd grown familiar with in the past week, and a dark brown corduroy jacket.

Mal stared at her a moment before realizing that, perhaps, she was having one of her moments, and decided not to say anything. Instead, he smirked at her to show he wasn't upset about what she'd said a moment ago, and swooped down to take her lips in a kiss that was sure to make her never forget his name again.

TBC...


	2. Chapter 2

_**Part 2**_

"Get up," Zoë said, forcefully.

As he rose to his feet, Nathan couldn't fathom what the hell was going on. _'This has to be some kind of practical joke, right?' _he thought to himself as he raised his hands in an 'I surrender' gesture. What did Gina think she was doing? And how the hell had he gotten from Joss' office to... he took the chance, now that he was standing upright, to take a look around at his surroundings and did a double take._ 'What the fuck?!_' Nathan opened his mouth to ask a question, then closed it. _'...one hell of a practical joke...' _ It was the only explanation that his mind could come up with. Reassured somewhat by that thought, Nathan focused on who he thought was Gina and plastered on a smile. "I'm sure this is all a big misunderstanding," he said lazily, planning on playing along.

"Where's the Captain?" Zoë demanded, her voice as level and steady as her aim.

Amused, Nathan smirked as he looked around. "What'd'ya mean, Zoë? I'm standin' right here," he said playfully.

Zoë raised an eyebrow, then, without turning her head, called out: "Wash!"

"You rang, sweetcakes?" Wash asked as he appeared in the doorway. Leaning on the handrails, Wash took a look at the scene just below him, his wife with a shotgun trained on the Cap- _'Hang on.'_

Cocking an eyebrow, Wash smirked as he headed down the stairs. Stepping between Zoë and Nathan, Wash gave him a head-to-toe glance and looked back to his wife, not noticing the piercing look burned on her face, then back to Nathan. "You can't make fun of my shirts any more," he said shaking his head.

Nathan's face twisted into mock offense as he looked down at his shirt. "Hey! What's wrong with my shirt?" he asked earnestly, looking back up at not-Alan. He'd bought the shirt just last week. A simple, white button-up, with light grey pinstripes and a large outline of a hibiscus, in light pink, taking over most of the upper right panel. Paired, untucked, with jeans and black boots, Nathan thought he looked pretty good. _'Man, whoever's playing this prank sure went to extremes.' _"'What're you doing here anyway? Thought we killed you off?" he added jokingly.

Zoë recocked the shotgun as Wash stepped toward her casually. "Honey?" Scratching the side of his head for a moment, Wash continued, "Whatcha doin'?"

"I second that, actually," Nathan said, nodding to the gun and pointing slightly, still with his hands raised. Assuming it was a prop, he wanted to see how long they planned on carrying this gag out. "Somebody could get hurt, you know. Like, me, for instance."

"This ain't the Captain, dear," Zoë replied calmly.

Nathan noticed that she still hadn't blinked. He still had his hands raised and, to be honest, they were beginning to get tired. He lowered them, but when she motioned with the barrel of the gun, he rolled his eyes and raised them again.

Wash raised a hand. "If this isn't the Captain," he began, giving Nathan an 'I'm on your side' look. "Then where is the Captain? And who's this, who looks exactly like him?" Wash motioned to Nathan.

"Left him in the cargo bay not five minutes ago. Said he was goin' to find River. I came up here. Found him-" she gestured toward Nathan with the gun barrel, "-lyin' on the floor, right outside the cockpit door. Shoulda known right away somethin' wasn't right."

Wash looked from Zoë to Nathan and back to Zoë. A moment later, he turned back to Nathan. "What do you mean 'killed off'?" Wash shook his head and raised his hands in defeat at the look from Nathan. "Never mind, I don't think I wanna know," he said. Using the hand closest to the shotgun, he urged Zoë to lower it. "Now, why don't we all just go down to River's bunk and figure this whole thing out? Well, not actually to River's bunk, but the general are- Yeah." Wash stopped rambling after seeing the look he was getting from his wife and the non-Captain.

Taking Nathan's arm, Wash led him down the corridor and added, "You need to stop going out when we're planet-side. Gettin' too much sun. Not good for the brain."

center /center 

Summer's eyes flew open wider than normal as the man, who she'd assumed was Nathan, kissed her with a passion she could honestly say she'd ever witnessed. Too shocked to push him away, not to mention the fact that her knees actually buckled beneath her, Summer wound up having to cling to his shoulders in order to remain standing. Her fingers clutched the suspenders tightly. _'Wait... suspenders?'_

Gathering her wits, Summer managed to wrench away from the man holding her, putting a few feet of space between them. She stared at him in disbelief as she took in what he was wearing. It couldn't be! He looked exactly like Nathan, except he was dressed in tan pants, a rust-colored button-up shirt, suspenders and black boots. If it weren't for her rational mind assuring her that this couldn't be real, Summer Glau might have believed she was standing in front of the one-and-only Malcolm Reynolds. But, that was just ridiculous... wasn't it?

"Captain, I think you may have-" Simon stopped, seeing Mal standing just outside his sister's door. "Oh. Sorry." He was holding an open red container as he cleared the corner, and closed it as he tried to think of a reason to clear out. Mal gave him a look and Simon sighed. "This isn't mine. Must've been mixed up..." he trailed off as Summer came out of River's room, and spaced herself evenly between them in the small area. An eyebrow raised, Simon looked at her, then asked, "What happened to my sister?"

Mal looked from Simon to Summer and back again. "What'cha mean, doc? Your sister's just fine. Right here, as a matter o' fact." He pointed in Summer's direction for good measure.

Summer's mind was reeling as she attempted to process what these people were saying. She wanted to believe it was all some kind of joke. A prank one of her friends was pulling. But, for some reason, she just couldn't convince herself. _'And believing that I've somehow been transported through time and space and am now onboard Serenity, in front of a real, live Mal and Simon is somehow __**easier**__?' s_he scoffed at herself.

Simon pointed to Summer. "That, Captain, is not my sister." Simon blinked, realizing just how rude he sounded. Giving Summer an apologetic, yet concerned look, everyone jumped as the door behind Summer slipped open and Shepherd Book stepped out.

"Oh, Captain," Book said when he spied Mal. He noticed Summer standing between them, but mistook her for River as he continued. "Might I have a word with you, privately?"

Mal rolled his eyes. "Can't the 'Special Hell' speech wait a while, preacher? We got us a situation here."

Summer couldn't help but let out a giggle - the 'Special Hell' speech had always been one of her favorite bits of Ron's.

Unfortunately, the sound of her laughter brought everyone's attention back to her. His eyebrows furrowed in an intimidating scowl, as Mal turned back to Summer and asked tightly, "Why is your brother-"

"I told you-" Simon interjected. Mal rolled his eyes again and turned back to Summer. Book had also moved down the few steps toward the small huddle, noticing that the young woman, who had a remarkable resemblance to their youngest passenger, looked rather distraught.

"There you are," everyone heard. Turning, the group saw Kaylee entering from the cargo bay entrance. Summer took the opportunity to slip past Mal and Simon, putting herself into the open area, between the guest quaters and the Infirmay and lounge. "Shepherd," Kaylee commented with a smile as she got closer, stopping at Simon's side. Noticing that Simon was still looking at Summer, Kaylee's gaze followed. "What's goin' on?" Her eyes grew wide when she saw Summer.

"Holy cow! River, where'd you get them spiffy new clothes?" Kaylee gushed, stepping over to Summer and effectively pushing Mal out of the way, to get a better look. She caught a bit of the shirt's material between her fingers and rubbed. "So soft. Bet it's all comfy!"

"Jewel?" Summer whispered.

Kaylee smiled. "Well, that's a funny name for material. But the color is really pretty with your eyes," she said, turning to Mal. "Don't it make her eyes really pretty, Cap?"

"Oh, God..." Summer groaned. At this point, the reality of the situation was becoming almost too much to bear.

"Riv-" Mal began.

"Who-" Simon started.

Both men stopped and glared at one another.

"Why has your brother gone wrong in the head?" Mal asked.

Simon shot Mal a look before asking once again, "Where is my sister?"

"Captain Reynolds," Book asked, attempting to get Mal's attention. When the captain turned in his direction, he nodded away from the group.

"I don't understand," Kaylee said, shaking her head. "What happened?" She looked between Simon, Summer and Mal. Summer closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"Oh, come on. Don't you guys think this has gone on long enough? Who's behind this anyway? Was it Joss? It _**was**_ Joss, wasn't it!" The entire group turned in the direction of the approaching voice. It was just then that Zoe, Wash and another man rounded the corner at the top of the stairs. The man continued speaking, facing Wash and Zoe, as he descended the staircase.

"Where's Summer, anyway? You prankin' her, too, or she in on it as well?" Nathan was about halfway through his question when he saw the look on Wash and Zoë's faces, and turned to see the collected crew looking up at them. Summer decided to move to the bottom of the stairs, putting her as close to Nathan as possible. As she slipped around Simon, Mal stepped closer to her as well. Moving down two more steps, Nathan put on his frustrated face and looked to his friend.

"Summer! You in on this whole thing?" he asked, gesturing back at Zoë and Wash with his thumb. "Cause, I gotta tell ya, wasn't the best prank in the world, that's for damn-" That's when he noticed who was standing behind Summer.

At that moment, both men, Captain and non-Captain, spoke.

"Son of a..." Nathan began, to which Mal obligingly supplied. "...bitch."

center /center 

center TBC... /center 


	3. Chapter 3

_**Part 3**_

His gaze still on... himself, Nathan added: "Summer!"

Summer stepped back toward Kaylee and Simon and pointed to Nathan. "Oh no! This is not my fault! _**You **_pushed the damn button!" Wash turned to his wife and mouthed, 'Button?' Zoe could only shrug in response.

Nathan barreled down the remaining stairs and was about to grab Summer's arm when Mal was suddenly between them. Nathan reared back and looked over his- Mal's shoulder to Summer, "You have any idea what's goin' on here? I mean, _**really**_?!"

Simon watched everything intently as his worry for his sister's whereabouts grew exponentially. Kaylee stood beside him, clutching his arm as she stared wide-eyed at the clones of her captain and friend, too stunned to speak.

"Wo de ma he ta de feng kuang de wai sheng dou (Holy mother of god and all her wacky nephews)!" Wash's voice drew both Mal and Nathan's gazes in his direction. "There's two of you," the pilot pointed out needlessly from the bottom step as he leaned against the staircase railing, arms crossed over his chest, an amused grin spread across his face. "How does that work, exactly?"

Summer took the opportunity to step around Mal and grabbed Nathan's arm. Dragging him to the center of the lounge area, the pair shared a concerned and understanding look, then faced the collection of people who were, in fact, not their friends. As they moved, Zoë stepped off the staircase and stopped next to Mal. Book stepped out from the hole he had been hiding in in order to get a better view of the scene as it played out and was now standing near the shower. The momentary silence was broken by the sound of yet another voice joining the assembly.

"Where is every-" Jayne stopped short as he took in the collected group. "What? Suddenly I ain't crew 'nuff to join in the crew meetin"?" Jayne threw a look to Simon, but pointed to Nathan and Summer. "You still on about that, doc?"

"Ah-" Simon opened his mouth to protest, but Jayne's hearty laugh cut him short.

"Don't think intervention'll keep 'em from getting' nekkid, Doc." he continued, totally missing Simon's incredulous look when the merc looked to the floor, shaking his head in amusement.

Jayne moved toward the couch and took a seat. Book raised a finger and opened his mouth to point out that Jayne was mistaken, but the oblivious merc continued before the preacher could get his words out. "Just keep it in your bunk, Mal. Don't need to be seein' you and that one-" he pointed at Summer for emphasis, "-buffin' it up in public." He concluded the remark with a full-body shiver. When silence met his remark, Jayne glanced up, finding himself confronted with eight pairs of raised eyebrows. "What?" he grunted defensively.

Nathan leaned forward slightly and asked, "Did he just say..." Summer was staring at Jayne as she nodded. Turning slightly to face Nathan, Summer couldn't help but remember the feeling that had passed through her when he-, when Mal, had kissed her, and quickly turned away.

Nathan straightened and raised his hands as he turned, facing the group. "All right, Time out! What the hell?" He threw a glance at Summer and pinched her arm.

"Ow!" she responded, slapping him as hard as she could across his bicep. He gave her a light shove, and she pushed harder back. They were two seconds away from a slap fight when Mal cleared his throat. Nathan and Summer froze, hands and arms mid-air, and looked at him.

"Now, I may be mistaken here," Mal began and stepped forward. "...and, by all means, tell me if I'm wrong. But, I strongly suspect that somethin' mighty strange is going on 'round here. And you two," he pointed to Nathan and Summer, "had better have some answers."

"LAO TYEN YEH!"

The sudden yell startled _**everyone**_ and the group turned to face Jayne, who'd jumped to his feet when he realized that Mal was _**not**_ the person he'd just been talking to.

Nathan gave him a look. "Yeah, welcome to party," he said sarcastically, shaking his head. Turning back to Mal, Nathan motioned between himself and Summer. "So, we," he began, then pointed to Mal "You," A heavy sigh emerged as the actor's face took on a funny look. "You and River?" he finally asked, unable to hide his amazement, as if just the thought of the two of them together was just plain... well, crazy. This seemed to infuriate Mal all the more, the crew noted. If steam could have physically come out of Mal's ears, the room would have instantly turned into a sauna. Nathan's face had taken on a far away look as he tried to comprehend this revelation before shaking it off and looked back at... well, himself. "Really?"

"You sound like you 'spected me ta be with someone else," Mal grumbled, riled by the idea.

"No," Nathan said, shaking his head defensively. "Just. I. Really?" He threw a glance to Summer and noticed she was avoiding eye contact with either of them.

Mal's eyes narrowed menacingly as he pointed a finger in Nathan's chest. "You say that word one more time and it may very well be your last. Dong ma?"

Nathan reared back, afraid of what this man might do. Actually, he knew _**exactly**_ what this man would do.

At this point, Simon's concern for his sister's absence prompted the doctor to take a step forward in an attempt to get things under control, and possibly, get some answers. "Okay, obviously we're not going to get anywhere snipping at one another. We all need to be civilized here."

"Really?" Nathan replied, sarcastically, to Simon. Realizing what he'd just done, Nathan hastily pointed to Simon. "That was directed to him," He said hastily, stepping back from Mal, who's hand had strayed dangerously close to his holster. He was startled when he turned and suddenly found himself face to face with Jayne, who had moved in between the non-Captain and non-River to take a closer look.

"Whoa, there! Personal bubble. Look into it." Nathan glared at Jayne who looked between them again, then to Mal before shaking his head.

"That just ain't right. Two Mals and two Moonbrains..." the merc grumbled before backing away.

Mal huffed and felt five pairs of eyes on his back. Turning just enough to see them in his peripheral, Mal almost snorted. "_**Now**_y'all got nothin' to say?!" The group shifted and mumbled incoherently. Mal threw a distinct look to Simon and snipped, "Shiny. You want civilized?" Turning back to Nathan, he plastered on a smile, then demanded, "Who the Hell are you and how did you get on my ship?"

"That's not what I meant..." Simon's voice grumbling could be heard from amid the group.

Nathan turned to Summer and made a face. Forcing a smile, she shifted her gaze to Nathan's shoes, but knew full well that Malcolm Reynolds' eyes were searing right through her. She made a few, quick glances in Mal's direction, then looked up just enough to catch Nathan's eye.

"Is this for real?" Summer asked, trying to keep the fear from her voice.

Nathan crossed his arms and leaned in, dropping his voice. "No way they could hold those faces this long." He threw a quick glace to his right, noticing Jayne staring at them, and made a face. Both jumped when Mal's face suddenly appeared between them.

"Hi," he said with a smile. "Remember me?"

_'Okay, this has gone on long enough,' _Summer thought, forcing a friendly smile in Mal's direction. "Summer," she said, offering her hand to Mal as she gestured with a nod of her head in Nathan's direction. "Nathan." Mal took her hand, tentatively, and shook it, but didn't let go. Nathan noticed, and really wasn't sure what to make of the feeling in his gut. Summer also noticed, but was going to focus on anything else, trying to avoid the tingly feeling she was getting.

Pointing to each of them, Summer impressed – or scared – everyone present. "You're Mal. That's Kaylee, Simon, Wash, Zoë, Shepherd Book. And that," Summer nodded toward Jayne, "is the Hero of Canton."

Wash, Kaylee and Simon couldn't hold back a laugh, but straightened their smiles when Mal glared at them. As entertaining as the memory was, Mal was not too keen on the current situation. As he processed what she'd just said, he blinked and turned back to Summer.

"You're a Reader? Like River?"

Summer blinked at the absurdity of his question, then realized that it was, in fact, not that absurd. She'd just named half the crew without hearing their names. And, if that wasn't enough, she'd brought up one of Jayne's least favorite memories.

Shaking her head, Summer answered, "No, I... No." Glancing over her shoulder, she threw a "Sorry," in Jayne's direction. Jayne grumbled and leaned back into the sofa.

Mal still hadn't let go of Summer's hand, a fact that, for some reason, irritated Nathan to no end. He looked around at everyone, noticing that one other person was missing, aside from Summer's doppelganger. "Where's Inara?" he asked, looking at Mal, gauging his reaction to the Companion's name.

Kaylee spoke up before she realized what she was doing. "Oh, she's out with a client. Due back-" Her eyes grew wide as Mal glared at her. She gave him an apologetic nod and looked quickly to Simon.

Mal turned back to Nathan and Summer and realized he was still holding Summer's hand. Finally letting go, he placed both hands on his hips and demanded, "Where's River?"

"Oh for cryin' out loud! We don't even know how WE got here. How're we supposed to know where she is?" Nathan groaned. Turning toward Summer, he hoped she'd acknowledge his words. She wasn't looking directly at him, but he heard her mumble something. "What was that?" he asked, leaning in to hear. Mal also leaned in.

"The button."

Nathan rolled his eyes. Mal, however, asked again. "What?"

"It was the damn button!" Summer shouted, making everyone jump. Nathan shook his head, trying to quiet her.

"What button?" Simon asked. Summer turned to face the group.

"Out of Gas." Summer shook her head, realizing that episode titles would mean nothing here. "The button that Wash hotwired-"

"You mean when the compression coil blew?" Kaylee asked.

"That was, like… two years ago," Wash added.

Summer nodded. "Right. We found the button in... this room. Nathan pushed it. There was a bright light and then we found ourselves here." When it looked like Mal would scoff, she continued, "I _**know**_ it sounds crazy, but it's the truth." She shot a pleading look in Mal's direction, hoping that would somehow make him more apt to believe what she was saying.

Zoe finally spoke. "How did you know that Wash-"

Summer shook her head. "I just do. I can't explain it."

The first mate turned to Nathan then. "You called me Gina before... who is that?"

Nathan sighed heavily. "She's a friend. Looks like you the way I look like him." He waved to Mal. "And she looks like River."

Wash perked up at this news. "Oh, do I have a twin?" Then his face fell as he remembered something Nathan had mentioned earlier. "Wait... you said before... that you thought you'd killed me off..."

"Well, not you," Nathan flustered. "Hmm," he began, looking at Summer for help. "I mean, Alan's still- But, you... well..."

Wash threw his hands up and look at his wife. "I'm dead."

"Yes," Summer stated, matter-of-factly. Nathan threw her a look, she made a face, and Simon couldn't help but smile. "Where we come from, Wash was a character on a TV show." Nathan scoffed and threw his hands in the air. "You all were, actually."

Everyone looked at her as if she was River and just having an episode. Summer noticed and couldn't help herself.

She started laughing.

TBC...


	4. Chapter 4

_**Part 4**_

Summer felt herself laughing, but inside her mind, she was screaming. Her laughter quickly changed from a normal, light-hearted laugh to something hysterical, before her face crumbled into a look of terror.

"I- I can't-" she began, her eyes darting around the room, taking in everything and everyone, finally falling on the two men standing before her.

Shaking her head, she took a step back. When Mal and Nathan stepped forward, she bolted, turning and dashing toward the stairs. The two men looked at each other, then Nathan glanced at the rest of the room and took off after her.

Summer had stopped in the center of the cargo bay, trying to fight off the panic attack, when Nathan reached her. He reached out slowly, so as not to frighten her. His hands wrapped themselves around her forearms, holding her at arm's length, while she took deep, steadying breaths.

"Summer. Summer," he murmured softly, his hands caressing her arms in a soothing motion. "Sweetie, you can't expect me to be the serious one here," he said with a nervous laugh.

A sharp voice came from the catwalk above. "What happened?"

The exclamation served to startle Summer out of her panic-induced trance as she and Nathan looked up to see Inara standing there, looking very upset. "Why didn't Wash answer my-" She was halfway down the stairs when she noticed the group milling at the opposite end of the bay, Mal in front. She stopped suddenly on the step and glanced between Nathan and the Captain.

"Run-tse duh fwotzoo..." ("Merciful buddha...")

Unable to help himself, Nathan rolled his eyes. "Inara Serra, I presume?"

By now, Kaylee had moved to Summer's side, wanting to see that she was okay. Nathan gave her an acknowledging nod, then looked back to Inara.

The Companion attempted to school her face into a calm demeanor and nodded to Nathan and Summer. "That is correct. And you might be?"

Nathan pondered how to answer her. He was dying to be a smart-ass, but knew that now was _**not**_ the time. Before he could come up with something, however, Mal's voice interrupted.

"Wash! Get us off this rock. We've still got a job to do," the captain ordered, though his gaze remained fixed on Nathan and Summer as he spoke. Wash said nothing and headed up the nearest staircase. "Everyone else... well, ya got places to be."

Kaylee met Inara on the far staircase and pushed her back up the steps, intending to fill her in with what little she knew. Zoe pulled Jayne back through the hatchway leading to the Infirmary. Book followed a moment later, dragging a protesting Simon with him.

Mal felt a rush of weariness run through his entire body. Summer nudged Nathan and nodded behind him. Turning, Nathan saw what- who she was looking at. "You two," Mal directed to them, then realized neither of them had heard him. Noticing their gaze, he turned as well and spied his River, leaning against the catwalk rail. Her expression was confused, but definitely _**not**_surprised. Which didn't surprise Mal at all.

Looking down at the three of them, River simply stated: "You're early."

Surprisingly, River's words made sense to Summer, who tilted her head to the side, eerily, in a similar fashion to her mirror image. She smirked. "You knew we'd be here." It wasn't a question.

Mal looked around, as if he expected to find everyone having snuck up behind him, ready to yell "Surprise!" Hands back on his hips, Mal glared up at River. "Where the _**hell **_have you been?"

River matched his stance, and raised an eyebrow. "Watching."

Mal's gaze shot straight to Summer – which Nathan noticed – then back to River. Flustered, he defended, "Now, darlin', it's not what it looked like. Really!"

"What are you talking about?" Nathan interjected, his voice a tad bit suspicious.

Mal's face snapped back to Nathan. "N-nothing. Mind your own business!" Nathan turned to Summer and raised an eyebrow. She shook her head and looked up to River, an amused grin on the Reader's face.

"**Mal **?" Wash's voice came over the shipwide comm.

"WHAT!" Nathan and Mal yelled together. Nathan's hand flew straight to his mouth and he spun around, so fast he almost saw stars. Summer reached out to steady him and tried to force back a laugh, which was difficult as she could see Nathan fighting a matching smile behind his hand.

Mal took a deep breath and moved over to the closest comm station.

"Yes?"

"**Badger's on the line**."

Mal rolled his eyes and looked from the visitors to River, then pressed the button again. "On my way." Taking another deep breath, Mal started up the steps, then turned to Nathan and Summer. "You two," he pointed. "Stay put. No touching. Dong ma?" They both nodded to him, then turned away, each fighting to hide the snicker the captain's words had brought about.

Once he reached River, Mal leaned in to speak to his recently-elusive Albatross. "This what you meant by 'interesting'?"

"You're keeping Badger," River replied, her expression blank.

Mal's brow furrowed as he began to worry. She had mentioned that she'd been watching earlier and he feared what she'd felt if she had, indeed, witnessed the kiss between himself and her double. "Wasn't my fault, ya know..." he trailed, wanting to judge just how angry she was.

Letting him stew a moment longer, River let a smile creep and then straightened. "Go." Giving him a push, she nodded toward their twins. "I'll keep an eye on us." Mal huffed and gave her a quick kiss before stepping through the hatch, and heading for the bridge. Summer had watched the exchange with much interest, while Nathan was examining the detail of their surroundings.

'_I should be much more concerned,' _he thought to himself. Oddly, once the initial shock had worn off, he found himself feeling right at home. Summer watched him move over to a nearby crate and hop up onto it. "So," he plastered on a smile. "Whatcha been up to?"

Summer looked to Nathan in surprise. _'He wants to make small talk __**now**_she thought, folding her arms. "Excuse me?"

"Well," Nathan shrugged, tracing a finger along the edge of the crate. "Occurred to me that, short of the 'Hey,' 'Hi' and 'How are ya?' this morning, we haven't spoken in... how many months?" Adding a shrug, he continued, "Figure now's good a time as any, since we're under house arrest." He nodded in River's direction. Summer turned to see the younger her, back to leaning on the rail, watching them.

River gave her a small wave, then straightened. "You need to eat," the psychic said before disappearing through the hatch, thus leaving Nathan and Summer completely alone.

Nathan was swinging his legs and staring at the floor when Summer turned back to him. After a few moments of silence, Nathan chuckled.

Sitting up straight, he ran a hand through his hair and said, "Man, and I thought movin' to Wisteria Lane was gonna be weird."

Summer could help but let a smile slip. "At least you won't have to worry about getting cancelled. Again."

Nathan put on a mocked offended expression. "That's just mean! _**True," **_he conceded with a smirk, "-but, still, mean." They shared a laugh before Nathan exclaimed, "They cancelled Gina, too," the look on his face revealing that, though he was sad to know this fact, he wasn't surprised.

Summer grimaced. She made a mental note to call Gina once she got home. Assuming, of course, they would get home. "I've decided I won't even _**look**_at a script until I know what network it's going to." Nathan put on a determined expression and nodded sharply. "Hey, didn't you film somethin' in February?"

Summer nodded, moving over to lean against the crate next to the one he was sitting on. "Yeah, _Terminator_ spinoff," she replied. "Just the pilot, so far. Won't air until next year."

Nathan nodded. "So? What's the story? Or can you not say?"

Summer took a moment to decide how to answer. "Pretty much... River," she grinned at him, then added, "But a robot."

Nathan raised an eyebrow in her direction. "So, you're, like... _**the**_Terminator? Do you get to say: 'I'll be back.'?" Nathan tried to impersonate Arnold as he quoted the rather famous line.

Summer shook her head and smiled. "No. Well, at least not yet," she mused. "I did get: 'Come with me if you want to live.'" She gave the line just as she had for the camera, then raised her eyebrows.

"Nice," Nathan nodded approvingly. "Well," he patted her closest arm, giving her more of a push. "Good luck with that. Here's to one of us stayin' on TV." Summer looked away quickly and winced, but Nathan saw it. Doing the math, he closed his eyes and let his head drop. "Aww... Summer." He jumped off the crate and moved to the center of the room. "Don't you realize?! Anyone who's _**ever**_stood in this room," he threw his hands up in the air, "and FOX, Do. Not. Mix. Seriously!"

Summer pushed off the crate. "Adam did _X-Files_," she threw out.

"Yeah, _**before**_he stood in this room!" Nathan sighed heavily and looked at his friend. Seeing her expression, he felt the need to apologize. "Sorry. You'll do fine," he said sincerely. "Take FOX by storm." He threw a hand up. "All else, you know eight possible special guest stars," he added with a cheesy grin.

"I'll keep that in mind," Summer mused. She moved back to the crate he'd just been sitting on and hopped up herself. Nathan returned to the crate and hopped back up as well.

"So... here's us," he breathed, looking up at the Mule.

"...on the raggedy edge," Summer nodded, unable to stop herself from completing the quote. The two turned to one another and shared an amused smile before their eyes began to wander once more to their surroundings. Summer focused on Jayne's workout station, as Nathan shifted his gaze toward the Infirmary hatch.

Looking back to Summer, Nathan couldn't help but ask, "What exactly was she watching that got me-" he cut himself off, cursing silently at the slip before continuing, "_**Him**_... all defensive?"

Summer's eyes widened and she made a face, trying to look completely innocent and confused.

Ironically, despite being an actress, she failed miserably.

TBC...


	5. Chapter 5

_**Author's Note: **_ Just keep in mind as you read this chapter that all of the scenes are happening simultaneously. That is why you get the repeat of the Wash and Mal comm interaction from part 4.

_** center Part 5 /center **_

Kaylee hastily ushered Inara toward her shuttle as the Companion proceded to riddle her with questions, most prominent among them being 'What is going on?' and 'Why is there a man in the cargo bay who looks exactly like the Captain?'

"Not to fret, 'nara," the mechanic reassured her. "It's all real excitin'. Two Cap'ns and two Rivers. They're real funny, too," Kaylee smiled. "Gonna have to find out where she got them clothes," she added quietly, to no one in particular.

"Wait..." Inara resisted Kaylee's push on her arm and came to a stop right outside of the entrance to her shuttle. "What do you mean, 'two Rivers'?"

"Oh? Her?" Kaylee threw a thumb back in the direction of the cargo hold and grinned. "That ain't River."

Inara shook her head at Kaylee, convinced this was all some prank. Perhaps this morning's announcement was part of the ruse as well.

"**Mal**," they both heard over the comms.

Inara and Kaylee looked back in the direction that they'd just come as Mal's voice echoed over the speaker. "**Yes**?"

"**Badger's on the line**," they both heard from the pilot. Inara shook her head and looked to Kaylee again. "Where did he, the other one, come from?" Kaylee shrugged as Inara opened the door to her home.

"**On my way**."

"Don't know. Came down the back stairs with Wash and Zo. We was all standin' 'round River's door when they come down." Kaylee picked up a pillow from the couch and pulled it to her chest as she sat down. Inara moved to prepare some tea.

"You mean they were just... there?" Inara asked, picking a teapot. Kaylee put the pillow aside and leaned forward.

"Yup."

"Strange," Inara mused as she moved to sit opposite Kaylee. "So, what does Ma- the Captain, think?"

Kaylee shrugged. "Don't know yet. T'other River, she was mighty spooked. Not sure they even know how they got here."

"How did he, the other one, know my name?"

"Oh," Kaylee smiled. "They both know all our names. All kinds a'stuff 'bout us from the sounds of it." For some reason, this bit of information made Inara feel flustered.

"Says they got a friend who looks just like Zo, even." Kaylee was far too entertained by the whole thing for Inara's taste.

"And you're not worried about this?" Inara suddenly found herself snapping at Kaylee and instantly reigned in her voice. "I'm sorry," she apologized at the look of shock on the mechanic's face. "It's just... it's strange that the Captain would allow them to roam about the ship when he, nor anyone else, knows anything about them."

"Don't think they could do us no real harm, 'nara. Anythin', they're 'fraid from us. And it ain't like they were armed or nothin'..."

"I see." Inara rose primly from her chair as the teapot began to whistle and proceeded to prepare it. "Would you care for some tea, Kaylee?" she asked, pulling out a couple of teacups before she'd even received an answer.

Kaylee nodded and leaned back again. "So, how was your visit?"

Inara gave her a polite smile and answered with the usual: "Oh, fine. It's odd that he would head back to Persephone with them still on board," she mused. Kaylee took the offered cup and blew on the surface before sipping.

"Well," she replied after taking a sip and sighing. "Couldn't rightly leave 'em back there."

"Yes, well, the Captain does seem to have a tendency to take on strays..." Inara commented, not realizing just how snobby she sounded. Kaylee didn't notice either, remembering the tone of Summer's voice when she had asked for Jewel.

Kaylee realized that it must've not been fabric, but a person.

A brilliant smile suddenly formed on her lips. "Hey, I think I may have one of them twins too!" she excitedly exclaimed. "Wonder if they're as well along as me an' River..."

"So," Inara sighed, attempting to get the conversation back on track as she refilled her teacup. "How long are we under house arrest?"

"Don't be silly, 'nara," Kaylee guffawed. "Cap'n wouldn't do somethin' like that. He's just bein' cautious is all." Inara simply nodded. "Give 'im some time to process and all'll be shiny. You'll see."

center /center 

Jayne wrenched his arm from Zoë's grasp as they cleared the short staircase into the sitting area.

"Why _**we **_gotta leave? Sounds like the fun's just startin'," he whined. Zoë raised an eyebrow at him and shook her head as Simon was pushed through the door.

"I'm sure she's fine, Doctor," they heard Book finish. "Let's just respect the Captain's wishes-"

Simon stopped between Zoë and Jayne. The look on his face said that he thought they were all insane, maybe moreso than his sister. "Wishes?" He reared back in a laugh. "We've got two people on board who look _**exactly **_like the good Captain," he said, making a face, "and my little sister. Who, if you haven't forgotten, are apparently madly in love!" Simon looked like he was now the one about to have a panic attack. "And, on top of that, my sister is who knows where-"

Zoë placed a hand on his arm. "Doc, I'm sure-"

"**Mal**?"

The four of them looked to the ceiling automatically. Jayne even leaned over to look through the hatch as they heard a loud "What" coming from the bay, followed by the captain's response of "**Yes**?" through the comm speakers. Simon rubbed at his temples. What else could possibly go wrong today?

"**Badger's on the line**," they heard Wash reply. Zoë sighed as Book stepped past, deciding to return to his bunk as the captain's voice rang out. **"On my way."**

"Well, I could stand to-" Zoë stopped Jayne's words with the wave a hand and pulled him from the steps again. "Aww," he said, throwing a large, dramatic pout on his face.

"You'll get over it, Jayne," Zoë said, pulling him along. "We'll be on Persephone in a few hours, Doc. River'll turn up. Not many places she can go." With that, she shoved Jayne to the stairs she'd come down not ten minutes before.

Simon glanced back toward the cargo bay and could see the not-Captain move out of his line of sight, and not-River turned as he passed, her arms crossed. Simon could swear it was his sister, if he didn't know better.

Unfortunately, he did.

Jayne clomped up the last few steps. "Why is it all the interestin' stuff always happens and Jayne gets shoved away?"

"You'll get over it," Zoë said with a smile. They moved into the corridor as Mal stepped in past the kitchen's hatch. He looked up at the both of them and nodded to Zoë. Jayne was aghast.

"You left 'em _**alone**_?" He stepped through the hatch and looked down the small hallway, half expecting to see them come around the corner.

Zoë shook her head and focused on Mal. "Sir?"

Understanding her unasked question, Mal shook his head. "'tis likely he just wants to be sure we're keepin' schedule," he replied.

Jayne snorted. "God forbid _**we**_ keep Badger waitin', right?"

Mal simply raised an eyebrow, more in agreement than anything else.

"Mal!" they heard Wash yell from the bridge. Mal stepped away and rubbed at his neck. This day was becoming rather stress-filled.

"So they get free-range?" Jayne asked, shocked.

Mal turned and raised his arms. "Where they gonna go? 'sides, River turned up. She's takin' care of it," he informed them before continuing to head up the steps to the bridge. Jayne turned again and looked through the kitchen.

"Just leave 'em be," Zoë warned. Turning, she moved to join Mal and Wash on the bridge. Jayne watched her until she reached the stairs and stepped toward the hatch. He'd taken about three steps when: "I mean it!" Zoë threw over her shoulder as she reached the top step.

Jayne huffed and made a face.

"Fine! I'll be in my bunk!"

center /center 

Mal dropped into the copilot seat and sighed before answering the wave from the annoying little Irishman.

"Sorry to disrupt you're busy schedule there, mate," Badger stated with a cocky grin.

"Well, it's a big ship, Badger. Takes a few steps to get from one end t'other," Mal shot back with a tight smile. "No trouble, I wager?"

"Not if you held up your end, Reynolds. You do _have_ the shipment?" Badger questioned, his cocky grin melting away.

"Have I ever given you a reason to doubt?" Mal asked, slightly heated.

"Aw, hell, Mal," Badger laughed. "Just protectin' the interests, see."

Mal shifted in his seat. "Well, seems to me that if you're callin', there must be some trouble. And I know it ain't on our end, so..."

Badger's face took on a serious expression as he continued, "Seems we got ourselves a bit of a problem. 'liance troops been hangin' about the docks, so I wager a change of plans are in order."

Mal's eyes went to Zoë, who'd just entered the bridge, and then back to Badger. "As I recall, there's always been a presence. Ain't exactly 'under the radar,' now is it?"

"Let's just say I'm not willin' to risk you and yours to make a delivery. Only worried for your well-bein', y'see," Badger laughed.

Mal wasn't amused. "You set this job, Badger. If you're thinkin' to back out-"

"I said no such thing, Malcolm Reynolds. Only informin' that plans are changin' a bit." Mal looked to Zoë, who was leaning against Wash's chair. She raised an eyebrow. Mal sighed and looked back to Badger. "Set up a temporary shop on Whitefall. Made dealin' with a very lovely lady-"

"Patience?" Mal asked, forcing himself not to roll his eyes and groan. He couldn't help, however, noticing Wash holding up three fingers, then pointing to him. Mal made a mental note to smack him later.

"You've met?" Badger smiled.

Mal's expression still hadn't changed. "Fact of which you're well aware." Badger's face dropped and he shifted uncomfortably. "You best be there, in person, when I open that door."

Badger nodded and Mal killed the transmission. Taking a deep breath, he was still looking at the dark monitor.

"Wash?"

"Good to go," the pilot replied. Mal stood and was almost to the hatch when Wash turned. "Ya know, you've got a perfect opportunity here."

"How's that?" Mal asked, turning to face him and leaning against the jamb.

"Well," Wash rested his chin in his palm, his elbow on the armrest. "You could really mess with Badger and Patience. Get 'em back, so to speak."

"Come again?" Mal asked, raising an eyebrow in curiosity.

"Oh, you know..." A smirk found its way onto Wash's face as he casually continued. "You and... you."

He didn't even blink, but Wash could've sworn he could hear the gears turning in his captain's head.

"Huh," Mal said, before turning and heading toward the kitchen.

center /center 

center TBC... /center 


	6. Chapter 6

_**Part 6 **_

"Well, I don't know 'bout you, but my tummy's a rumblin'," Kaylee said as she rose from the couch she'd been sitting on and made her way toward the hatch. Turning to look back at the Companion, she added: "You comin', 'nara?"

"That's quite alright. I actually ate before coming back to the ship," Inara explained politely, nodding to the mechanic.

Kaylee smiled brightly and, with a little wave, left the shuttle. When she rounded the corner, she glanced down into the cargo bay and saw Nathan and Summer sitting on a crate, talking amongst themselves. She noticed there was nobody else in sight and gave a huffy sigh.

"You mean he left you down here all alone?" she called down. Summer and Nathan turned to the voice and Kaylee shook her head. "I swear... sometimes Cap can be downright unhospitable." She stuck her tongue out to emphasize her bubbly mood and started down the stairs.

Summer felt a wave of relief wash over her at Kaylee's sudden appearance. She hadn't known what she was supposed to tell Nathan in regards to why Mal had been all defensive earlier. He couldn't know, because honestly, she just couldn't see him taking the fact that his double had kissed her - quite passionately, she might add - well at all.

"Kaylee!" Summer jumped up from the crate and rushed over to meet the mechanic at the bottom of the stairs. She pulled Kaylee into a hug; Kaylee was taken aback for a moment, but smiled and returned it, throwing a smile to Nathan. He was currently staring daggers into Summer's back, a fact of which she was _well _aware.

Nathan hopped off the crate and ran a hand through his hair, then stuck both hands in his pockets. Kaylee stepped away from Summer and moved over to him, then gave the not-Captain a lookover. Nodding, she gave him a smile. "You got a few more pounds on the Cap. But," she recovered quickly, worried she might be offending him. "The Cap wouldn't 'member to eat if'n Zo didn't put a plate in front of 'im." Summer made a face to Nathan and tried to hide a smile.

He heard a noise above them and looked up to see River standing on the catwalk and gave her a slight wave. "Lunch is ready," River stated before turning and starting down the steps.

Kaylee stepped away from Summer and pulled River into a half-hug. "You talk to Simon yet?" she asked, already knowing the answer. River simply shook her head and looked to Nathan and Summer.

"Simon's mad for other reasons," she said with a polite smile. Kaylee understood that she was referring to the morning's announcement, not that River had gone missing for a short time.

"He's such a boob," Summer couldn't help but murmur, smiling as River mirrored her expression.

"Well, let's go get 'im. Can't be too mad when ya got yerself an army, right?" Kaylee hooked one arm around River and one around Summer.

As they approached the Infirmary, Summer, Kaylee and Nathan stayed back as River poked her head into the room.

"I'm not talking to you," Simon said, back to the door. River smirked at Simon's own psychic ability.

"Timing was off," River said, stepping into the room she used to hate. Cocking her head, River continued: "You're angry with me." Simon turned halfway and stared at her for a moment. Sighing, he took a step toward her.

"I'm not angry," he said matter-of-factly. "I'm... processing." Unfortunately, Simon couldn't hide his feelings from his sister and he knew it. When River's head drooped, Simon moved to take her in a hug. "I'm not angry," he repeated, bending down to look her in the eye, forcing her to hear his thoughts.

"Time I started acting my age. Like an adult. Doesn't make you any less important," she said quietly. Simon made a face and gave her a playful shove.

"Food's waitin', you two," Kaylee said, finally stepping into the doorway.

Simon looked up to his love and their guests and nodded. As he pulled his sister toward the group, he added: "Don't think I'm going to be the one to tell our parents."

River rolled her eyes and stepped out behind him. Kaylee pushed Nathan up the stairs he had recently descended, Summer following behind. Simon moved over to Book's door and invited him to eat as well. The Shepard kindly declined the offer, saying something about fasting. Simon nodded in understanding before rejoining River and heading up the stairs.

Meanwhile, Mal had left the cockpit and made his way to the galley. Wash, along with Zoe, followed his captain after having set Serenity on auto-pilot. The trio stepped into the galley just as River was finishing up setting the food on the table, the others seated around it. Jayne was busy chatting up Summer, much to her amusement, and neither seemed to notice the irritated looks Nathan kept shooting in their direction as Simon attempted to make civil conversation with the Captain's double.

Mal took his usual spot at the head of the table as the others continued to talk. However, when River slid her arms around Mal's neck from behind and leaned down to kiss Mal's cheek, the chatter died off abruptly.

"Mei mei, not while I'm eating!" Simon whined as he tossed a piece of his food down in emphasis.

Summer couldn't help but giggle and Nathan shot her a look. "Now don't you encourage them!" he admonished.

Summer simply shrugged. "I think it's kinda cute," she replied.

Nathan's jaw dropped. "You're kidding!" The fact that the exclaimation was simultaneously uttered by Nathan, Simon **and **Jayne prompted Summer to burst out in a full belly laugh.

Mal shot Summer a strange look that, when the actress caught it, ended her laughter abruptly. Instead, she ducked her head and began picking at the food on her plate and concentrated very intently on not making eye contact with either Mal or River. Nathan, of course, noticed this and shot her a questioning glance.

Across the table, Wash poked at his plate and sighed heavily. When no one acknowledged him, he sighed again, a bit more dramatically. Mal finally turned his gaze from Summer, much to her relief, to his pilot. "What?" the Captain snapped when Wash let out an even more dramatic sigh then the previous two.

Wash shook his head morosely. "Don't mind me... just pretend I'm not here."

Mal and Nathan both rolled their eyes as Zoe sat down next to her husband and toussled his hair. "He didn't mean it, honey." Wash gave her an innocent smile, then shot a glare at Nathan.

Summer noticed this and, glaring at Nathan herself, asked: "What did you say to him?"

"Why are we pickin' on me?" he asked, sitting up and shaking his head.

River actually did a double-take before answering pointedly: "You told him he was dead."

"That wasn't me!" he protested, looking offended. "She did it!" he pointed accusingly at Summer, who blushed.

River rolled her eyes. "'Thought we killed you off,'" she reminded him of his earlier words with a smirk.

"Well, okay," Nathan grumbled. "If you want to get _technical _about it..."

Wash threw up his hands and waved. "No, no. Pretend I'm not here. Don't want to disturb the balance," Wash said with a pout.

Summer tilted her head in his direction and smiled. "I'm happy you're here." Wash looked at her for a second, trying to judge her sincerity, then grinned and made a face to everyone else at the table.

"I'm glad you're here, too, Honey," Zoë said, leaning toward him and kissing the side of his head. This seemed to placate Wash as he immediately resumed his usual care-free demeanor and shot a beaming grin at both Zoe and Summer as he began eating.

Once again, Mal and Nathan rolled their eyes at the man's dramatics.

"He really is Wash," Nathan mumbled to himself and shook his head. Despite having the evidence right in front of his eyes, he still couldn't quite wrap his head around the fact that all these people - characters whom he and his friends had portrayed - were real.

_'Oh my God, we're really in space!' _Nathan's eyes grew wide and he choked on the bite of food he'd just taken. Suddenly, a thought occured to him: If they, and the ship, were real, what about that blasted button that had apparently been the catalyst in bringing them here? Surely, it was real, as well. Nathan shot a look in Wash's direction, an idea forming in his mind.

He'd just get Wash to take him to the cockpit. He'd push that damned button and he and Summer would be back home in a flash. Simple. It wasn't until after the group had finished their meal that he found the chance to put his plan into action.

He got up from his own chair and slipped into the one beside Wash, just after Zoe got up to take care of their plates. "Show me the button." Nathan's whispered voice caught Wash by surprise. The pilot jolted lightly before whirling his head around to stare at the man sitting beside him.

"What was that?" he asked, lowering his voice as well.

Kaylee had dragged Simon off to who knew where - as long as it wasn't at the table, where the doctor felt it was his sworn duty to sit and glare daggers in Mal's direction. Mal had went to help River with the dishes as Zoe left the galley with a plate of food for Shepard Book in her hands. Nathan and Wash watched as she passed. Soonafter, River left Mal's side and moved over to sit next to Summer at the other end of the table.

"I want you to take me to the cockpit. I'm gonna push that damned button," Nathan informed him. "It's what got us here in the first place, so I figure it ought to work in reverse."

Wash's mouth parted slightly as an understanding "Ohhh," emerged. "I see your point. Don't think the Captain'd appreciate me lettin' you into the cockpit though," Wash replied, then smiled and shook his finger at Nathan. "You'll have to promise me you'll be on your best behavior."

Nathan was unable to stop the grin that came to his face as he made a small ex over his heart with a finger. "Cross my heart," he replied, and he meant it.

Wash snuck a glance in Mal's direction. The Captain was watching River and her double with a troubled look on his face as the two women appeared to be in deep conversation. Seeing their chance, Wash gestured for Nathan to follow him and the two made their way toward the front of the ship.

"See? Nothing." Wash turned to look over his shoulder. Seeing everyone was full-well out of earshot, he turned back to Nathan and added quietly: "Between you an' me, I don't think it woulda worked anyway. The electrical system was pretty fried once the cold took over..."

Nathan gave a horrified look before muttering: "Well, the ending was a _bit_ convenient..."

Wash raised an eyebrow in Nathan's direction just as a beeping sound filled the cockpit, signaling someone was sending a wave. Without thinking, Wash flicked the switch that cut on the vid screen.

When Patience's face filled the screen, Wash stiffened. "Oh," he said quietly. "Think maybe I shouldn't a'done that."

Nathan looked in the pilot's direction. "Ya _think_?" he asked sarcastically.

Patience looked in Nathan's direction when she heard his voice, though she couldn't see him. "Mal," she said, warmly, mistaking him for the Captain.

Nathan's eyes widened as Wash shot him a concerned look. Nathan made a 'What?' gesture at him.

When Wash nodded ever-so-slightly to the screen, Nathan shook his head furiously. _'No sirree,'_ he thought, _'Not gonna happen.' _

Wash nodded once again, this time a bit more emphatically, to which Nathan shook his head just as forceful. They continued in this fashion for about three seconds before Patience spoke again. "Malcolm Reynolds, I know you're there."

Nathan's mouth tightened as he finally gave in and, dropping his head in defeat, stepped into view. Wash stood up to let Nathan have the chair, but he didn't sit. Instead, he stood and stared at the screen for a second, coming to the realization that he couldn't think of a _**damned **_thing to say. His mind had gone absolutely, completely blank.


End file.
